Hi everyone
Back again with another post! Have been soooooo busy ever since the start of the year that I couldn't find the time to sit down and write about what has been happening in my life so far. However, for those of you who follow my IG (@nicesgjy), you will definitely know what's up because I'm more active there. And if you have been following me, you would know that I recently participated in the Asia Cheerleading Invitational Championships (ACIC) 2017/18 in the Level 6 Partner Stunts category with Isaac, my base on 1st April 2018 (Sunday). We represented PLAYGROUND NO STARS (PGNS), which is simply a recreational team that started off stunting at a playground but got mats and train at a sheltered court these days. The team isn't officially like a legit team with official training sessions, but more of a group of people who wish to stunt during their free time.
With Isaac, my base at competition ground (Venue: Downtown East D'Marquee)
Isaac and I have been training together leisurely over a couple of months and simply trying to hit new stunts for progression. We only decided to compete just 4 weeks before competition. The reason for such a last-minute arrangement was because I was caught up with NTU Inter-Hall Cheerleading Competition (IHCC) coaching the hall players prior to this. It ended around Feb and then came Chinese New Year, work that has to be cleared because I had been so busy with coaching and my Masters (still busy with it!) as well. So I wasn't particularly interested in competing because I have been so busy with other priorities. The decision to compete was super last minute and we increased the intensity of our training only after we have officially registered. That was 4 weeks out.
Team PGNS!
4 weeks came and flew and juggling work, Masters and training was no joke. In addition, I actually broke up after a 5-year-long relationship with Darren so the emotional toll on me was quite a huge deal for me. There were days during the week that I was upset and down but chose to push these emotions aside because of all the work and responsibilities I had to attend to. It was tough. And boy, it made me even more grateful that I put my foot down two years ago as to never compete for team category anymore. Team training sessions are even worse, both in terms of physical intensity and time constraints. Not to mention the team politics and the need to be socially available most of the time. Argh, I can't even. (#trueintrovert at heart) Ain't nobody got time for that hahahaha... *rolls eyes and flips hair in a sassy manner*
With Taiwan cheerleaders from Monster Cheerleading Team, Super and his partner.
Regardless, the competition ended and we didn't put up our best on the mats. We did so well during warm-ups (You can see the our warm-up video prior to comps and during comps on my IG post) but sigh, guess it is not meant to be. When the competition ended, I was very upset because we didn't ASU our routine and so, we didn't do ourselves justice. I guess a small part of me also feel that I'm super unlucky and that perhaps partner stunts and I are never meant to be. This is my fourth time competing partner stunts, albeit each time with a different base, and I have never gotten a placing before. While many people have told me that I'm a good flyer, I feel that I have never managed to find a good flyer-base pairing before. This is in part due to either mismatch of stunt experience and/or the fact that I tend to always dominate my stunts and fight too much for control. I am aware of that but I often see it as doing what is necessary in order for the stunts to be executed correctly and whatever the costs, to stay up on the stunt instead of coming down. Because of that, it probably translates to the need for control or be perceived as control by bases and even, others. I guess it also stems from my lack of trust in myself and this translates to lack of trust on others as well. So this is how it is: I want control because I wanna do well and execute stunts well AND because I don't feel safe and secure enough to trust you to do what you need to do when I fail/ falter. Such thoughts are fine during training, but in competition when my mind is pacing at a 100 miles per second and performance anxiety sets in, I think it becomes more of a negative than a positive and everything goes south. :( I guess I will never be good in competitions and it is disheartening to see people who have lesser experience and technicalities than I win a placing when in actual fact, they are not better than me. But because they performed well on the mats at a given point in time, they have succeeded and won. And yes, I'm also aware that whatever I just said earlier might sound like I'm being a sour grape. But sigh, oh well. I guess that's how life is, right? You can't always win. The best doesn't always win. And winning doesn't mean you are supremely good. Just as how losing doesn't always mean that you are supremely lousy.
Support from baobei <3
Indeed, I was really upset about it because I have competed a few times for partner stunts but never won a placing and it got me thinking if I was really lousy and I was greatly disheartened about this issue for some time. But I guess it takes time to get used to the idea that competition shouldnt be the only marker of recognition of how far I have progressed and how far I have come. And that even if I lose, there are people who will still stick around and still believe the best in me. I guess it takes time to come to terms with whatever I just said but I'm still learning. I'm still learning to enjoy the process of learning and to see the merits of attaining new skills as a form of reward in itself. I'm still learning not to attach my self-worth in cheer to absence/ presence of tangible awards. I still have a long way to go in this journey of learning and self-discovery and simply, learning to be more forgiving of myself in terms of my flaws and inadequacies. I'm also learning, bit by bit, that not everything is within my control and that it is perfectly okay to NOT be in control sometimes. I'm glad that cheer and specifically, this particular partner stunts has allowed me to learn a little bit more of myself and what triggers my anxieties and fears. So in a way, this is a small victory for me. And I should be thankful. In addition, I should also be thankful for the people AROUND me.
From Left to Right: Ping Teck <3, Jiayi (Hall 8 ROYALS), Chin Xian (Hall 1 UNISUS), Edgar & Guo Jun (Both Hall 8 ROYALS). Thanks for dropping by guysssss! (: In addition, this is also the front IG post (@nicesgjy) for if you wish to see my comps/ training video -- swipe right! (:
My base, Isaac for being so frustrating but patient at the same time. We never really fought but we definitely have times when we were frustrated with each other but kept it cool like adults HAHAHAH. He was also patient and worked around my work and Masters schedule, for which I'm thankful for. Thankful for dearest Ping Teck aka current boyfie for being the support that I needed. Thankful for my hall cheer players who supported me and I know for a fact that they do look up to me as a coach. Thankful for people like Chin Xian who have helped with training venues and organising DIY sessions. Thankful for Vijay for once again, entertaining my attempts to remain competitive by being a spotter for my partner stunts. Lastly, thankful for mini fans who mentioned they have admired me and my skills. They are so sweeeeettttt. I just hope I didn't disappoint them because it's a contradiction; I'm heartened and a bit embarrassed to be paid compliments to but at the same time, afraid that I might end up letting them down. Sigh :(
More pictures of us with Taiwan Monster Partner Stunt pairing. Just so you know, Super is in his early 30s. How he remains looking so young amazes me.:O
But either how, a chapter of my cheer life is over. Moving forward, I will still be in the cheerleading scene, learning and practicing my skills but upon doing a bit of reflection post-ACIC about my future plans, I know that cheer isn't something I will keep on pursuing and eventually, I will exit the scene to do other things. I told myself that when I started working after graduating from NTU but never really thought exactly WHEN I will officially not do this anymore. I guess I will probably continue on to next year when I see Hall 8 ROYALS into IHCC 2019/20 as their co-coach and stop then. Eventually the time when I step down and leave the hall players in safe hands of their graduated seniors (I really hope they are safe hands though >.<) will be the time I move on from cheer to do something else. I really admire those cheerleaders who can stay in the scene till they are in their 30s (referring in particular to cheer friends in Taiwan) and/or have been doing this sport for many, many years but I guess it is not something I wish to keep doing. Not because of the issues of practicality in SG but more so from the standpoint that what matters truly to me is that I can help people and I don't see myself being able to give/ help more in this sport anymore. Cheer in SG is tough. Not many people see the need to invest in the sport for it to grow. The cheerleading organisation focuses more on ensuring procedures and bureaucracy are efficient and non-imposing, instead of considering what helps to ensure the community grow. Safety concerns, fear of public backlash and pragmatism comes before encouraging passion and interests, and nobody really cares to change it or even if they do care, care more primarily because of pride and selfish interests. I'm not being deliberately critical and pessimistic as I'm presenting these as they are. It is human nature to be selfish but what I'm saying is that this cheerleading scene is one, huge system of toxicity and I do not want to be a part of it for too long. While being a hall cheer coach was something meaningful because I get to introduce the sport to people who have never done this before, I think it comes to the point when these people I have impacted need to grow up and impact more lives of others and as such, I need to be a little more hands-off and move on to other aspects/ areas that I feel I can truly create an impact on others and hopefully, emerge successful.
Handski, first time putting it out on the blue mats.
Either way, these are just my two cents and thoughts post-ACIC. All I can say is, one last season before I finally call it quits. Let's go! :DDD
Partner stunts training buddies from Nova. Left pairing is Alicia and Chun Heng who won the Level 6 partner stunts category (the one that we competed as well) and Right pairing is Amanda and Nicholas who did Level 5 partner stunts. It was such a fun experience training together with them! :D
That's all!
xx
Loves
Nices
